To all the Military Wives, Fiancés, and Girlfriends

 

This is only my second deployment that I’ve experienced, so to say I’m “experienced” would be a bit of an overstatement! But I do have a few things I wanted to say.

I struggle, everyday. We all struggle though. I struggle when my husband is gone, away, home, next to me, not hearing from him for weeks, or just gotten off the phone with him. I struggle no matter the circumstances. Why? Because I’m human. It is human to struggle, to feel pain, to feel suffering, to feel anxiety, to feel loneliness, to feel discontentment, to feel undesired, to feel and makeup stories because you’re bored (you know we all do it as women!).

Why am I writing this? Because I’ve noticed that it seems like people may think life is so incredibly harder when your husband is deployed. Sure it gets lonely. But I am sometimes lonely when my husband IS home.

It’s all about perspective. We can’t always rely on our significant other, our family, our best friends, our neighbors, our children to satisfy our thirsty souls.

What do we need? We need something greater.

Over the past three and a half years as a military spouse, I’ve learned the most in the quiet hours of the night (usually when I’m wondering is that creak in the floor a burglar?!?!) I’ve learned the most during the lonely times. During the “trying” times. During the times when I wasn’t sure if I was going to have a good day or a “happy” day. Or if I was going to feel taken care of. Most of them time, I have to suck it up and do it on my own (referring to taking out the trash LOL).

I feel stronger because of all the lonely times. But not because I made myself stronger. Not because I’m the one who picked myself up from the floor and told me that “everything was going to be okay” or that “giving birth by yourself was the scariest thing I could imagine, but heck, you have no choice you gotta do it anyway!” but because I have a Savior who would NEVER leave my side, no matter where I went, how I felt, or where I felt the most “desperate.” We have a God that loves us unconditionally, who is JEALOUS for us. He is truly jealous for our attention, for our love, for our NEED for Him. So during deployments, when I should feel the most vulnerable, the saddest, the loneliest, the most “desperate,” I truly feel the most in touch with my soul, with my Savior, with my struggles as a Christian, mother, wife, friend, daughter, etc. I learn so much about myself, I can’t even tell you how many epiphanies I have during the day. God reveals to me my sins, my weaknesses, my utter NEED for Him, everyday, on a deployment especially.

So my advice to you, if your loved one is about to deploy, is on a deployment, or is about to return, just remember, this is just temporary. It all is just temporary. But what is permanent is God’s incredible unfailing love for you. (Everything in life is just temporary, literally everything). No matter where you are in life, you will need Him everyday. On a deployment or off a deployment. We all have struggles, but it’s truly all about perspective. If you feel lonely, take this time to sit in the stillness and quiet.

I hope this encouraged some of you 🙂

Psalms 46:10- “Be still and know that I am God.”

 

 

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  • Lauren ScheidJanuary 10, 2014 - 6:21 pm

    I stumbled on this post while scrolling on Facebook and just wanted to thank you for your encouragement. My boyfriend is deploying in June and we have been graced with the beauty and hardship of long distance since month 4 of our relationship. Thank you for bringing my heart back to Jesus. I’ll be praying for you as well!ReplyCancel

  • EmileeOctober 17, 2013 - 10:32 pm

    Sonya, thank you for composing such an encouraging blog post yesterday. It came in such good timing – my love just left on deployment this morning. I read this last night and your words have gotten me through a very hard day (as you can relate to). This is our second deployment and in some ways I feel much more prepared, while in other ways I feel completely lost. And it’s true! This is a temporary time in our ‘happily ever afters’. It is a perfect time to live out our faith, to turn to Him and continue to grow closer in our relationship with Him, especially in the hard, lonely times. Just wanted to say thank you for sharing your experience which brought me such strength today!ReplyCancel

  • Katrina WheelerOctober 17, 2013 - 2:45 pm

    Hi Sonya Ruth,

    This is very emotional and touching, thank you for sharing these words of encouragement. I’m new to the area, my husband is deployed (Just after we move here, with no family, you know the drill…) and I’ve moved my photography business from CA to Atlanta, to NC, now to start over as a seasoned professional… fun huh! 🙂 I’ve had a discouraging week, and I needed to see this. I’m a christian and totally agree w/ what you’ve said, its just hard to see the bigger picture, or to wait to see it… I’ve been needing to meet you and get in touch w/ you. This just re-affirmed how much I gotta meet you! 🙂 Thanks again! I’ll be emailing you! 🙂

    KatrinaReplyCancel

  • SamanthaOctober 16, 2013 - 5:26 pm

    Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be a military wife. I don’t know why I thought it was so special, I think the uniform got my like everyone else. I had known my fiance for 5 years before us becoming an “item”. He was never apart of the army then. When we finally decided to try it out he was in basic training. It only took 2 months after his return home for us to know we wanted to be married. He was stationed 2 hours away. I went and saw him every Sunday. Then recently he moved to Florida for his next around of schooling. While I am fortunate to be able to skype him as much as I want in the evening and I have no been through a deployment yet, the anxiety and the lone feeling always comes. No matter how long, or how far apart one is from there loved one it affects everyone differently. I know that I have found rescue in the God and knowing that this is all for a reason. God wants to make me stronger now for when the hard times really come.

    I just want to say I started following your photography and your blog long before I was a “military wife” but I have always found inspiration in them. Keep being strong for your girls! They will appreciate you even more as they grow up 🙂ReplyCancel

  • RosallyJuly 13, 2013 - 9:18 am

    Hello, thank you for sharing this! I’m a brand new military spouse and about a month after we got married he left for training. He will be gone for two years. It has been very tough and I’ve been struggling a lot more than I thought I would. What do you do? How do you keep your mind off of constantly thinking of him being gone?ReplyCancel

    • sonyaruthJuly 14, 2013 - 8:09 pm

      Hi Rosally! Oh my I can’t even imagine! Two years is a long time!! Honestly, I still think about my husband often! I miss him. I have dreams about him because I miss him, which makes me miss him even more! But I try to refocus my energy on things that I have going on now. I focus on my work, my daughter, my house, and “me.” “Me” referring to my spiritual life! I try to read lots of books that are enriching. “One Thousand Gifts” is a great book to read. It talks about how to appreciate and to be thankful of everything now! It’s definitely not going to be easy, but with prayer and strength, you will get through this!!!!ReplyCancel

  • nellieJuly 13, 2013 - 8:44 am

    So true. Thank you for sharing!ReplyCancel

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