This is only my second deployment that I’ve experienced, so to say I’m “experienced” would be a bit of an overstatement! But I do have a few things I wanted to say.
I struggle, everyday. We all struggle though. I struggle when my husband is gone, away, home, next to me, not hearing from him for weeks, or just gotten off the phone with him. I struggle no matter the circumstances. Why? Because I’m human. It is human to struggle, to feel pain, to feel suffering, to feel anxiety, to feel loneliness, to feel discontentment, to feel undesired, to feel and makeup stories because you’re bored (you know we all do it as women!).
Why am I writing this? Because I’ve noticed that it seems like people may think life is so incredibly harder when your husband is deployed. Sure it gets lonely. But I am sometimes lonely when my husband IS home.
It’s all about perspective. We can’t always rely on our significant other, our family, our best friends, our neighbors, our children to satisfy our thirsty souls.
What do we need? We need something greater.
Over the past three and a half years as a military spouse, I’ve learned the most in the quiet hours of the night (usually when I’m wondering is that creak in the floor a burglar?!?!) I’ve learned the most during the lonely times. During the “trying” times. During the times when I wasn’t sure if I was going to have a good day or a “happy” day. Or if I was going to feel taken care of. Most of them time, I have to suck it up and do it on my own (referring to taking out the trash LOL).
I feel stronger because of all the lonely times. But not because I made myself stronger. Not because I’m the one who picked myself up from the floor and told me that “everything was going to be okay” or that “giving birth by yourself was the scariest thing I could imagine, but heck, you have no choice you gotta do it anyway!” but because I have a Savior who would NEVER leave my side, no matter where I went, how I felt, or where I felt the most “desperate.” We have a God that loves us unconditionally, who is JEALOUS for us. He is truly jealous for our attention, for our love, for our NEED for Him. So during deployments, when I should feel the most vulnerable, the saddest, the loneliest, the most “desperate,” I truly feel the most in touch with my soul, with my Savior, with my struggles as a Christian, mother, wife, friend, daughter, etc. I learn so much about myself, I can’t even tell you how many epiphanies I have during the day. God reveals to me my sins, my weaknesses, my utter NEED for Him, everyday, on a deployment especially.
So my advice to you, if your loved one is about to deploy, is on a deployment, or is about to return, just remember, this is just temporary. It all is just temporary. But what is permanent is God’s incredible unfailing love for you. (Everything in life is just temporary, literally everything). No matter where you are in life, you will need Him everyday. On a deployment or off a deployment. We all have struggles, but it’s truly all about perspective. If you feel lonely, take this time to sit in the stillness and quiet.
I hope this encouraged some of you 🙂
Psalms 46:10- “Be still and know that I am God.”